From a very early age I was taught that when you go into work put on your polite, unfazed black girl corporate face and voice. I've held onto that sentiment for almost over a decade that I've been in the working sector. Constantly, I have coached myself to push down my feelings, be extra helpful and smile.
However, I am beginning to think that is not the wisest of advice or at least my strict adherence to it has not been the wisest of decisions. Constantly, I find myself in this position where I am unhappy at work, while mostly in the past I've blamed it not working in the field/industry that I desired. Now that that is no longer true, I have been more introspective on how and why I feel the way I do. I have narrowed my unhappiness to three reason and/or causes.
- Expecting a lot of (even perfection) from myself, but not having any expectations of my boss and/or senior co-workers and how they can play a role in my success or growth within a company.
- Believing that just because I have a job, I should just blindly be grateful and content like the others around me. Additionally, that having (any) job equals me being a worthy person.
- Not speaking up when I am threatened with microagressions or just plain losing my sense of having a voice amid the big "corporation" .
Proudly, I proclaim that yes I am unhappy and I am glad for it. It lets me know that I am not complacent and that I value myself, my work and my intelligence. Reminds me that I am alive. Reminds me that there is something new and challenging on the horizon. It's the fuel that propels me to constantly chase after my goals and use my natural talents.
Soooo yea I am unhappy right now, but change is just right around the corner.
Written by: Chelle